Plumbing Problems at Disneyland

They say that Disneyland is the happiest place on Earth, and it very well may be. It’s in Anaheim, a nice enough city right in the heart of Orange County, but that certain isn’t what sets it apart. Nor is it the fact that it’s got rides, and a fast pass system—parks like Six Flags or Knott’s Berry Farm have similar thrills available at cheaper prices. Even Mickey Mouse, great as he is, is probably not the standalone reason that someone would put such a prestigious title in front of his home So what makes this the happiest place on Earth? Let’s turn to the conspiracy theories:

It’s no secret that Disney works very hard to maintain a certain environment in their parks. From the “cast members” all across both Disneyland Resort and California Adventure—who are constantly picking up trash, flashing robotically happy smiles, and waving with perfect elbow-and-wrist technique—to the rides, themes and language which all perfectly adhere to a happy, carefree agenda.

But have you heard that nobody ever really dies in Disneyland? Rumor has it that if you do kick the bucket in the park, paramedics will use an underground network of tunnels to take you off the grounds before “calling it.” Maybe it’s this obsessive compulsion that keeps them so happy. But what happens when nature’s call trumps man’s intention. Is there an emergency that could knock Disney off its pedestal? Probably not, but there’s a few plumbing problems they might have a hard time getting around:

Mid-Ride Facilities

We don’t have to dive too deeply into this one, but there’s the simple question of “What do they do when someone has to to their business at the top of Space Mountain?” Could they, theoretically, stop the ride, and transport the desperate rider to a secret bathroom out in space? There is that one extra train waiting on the side for seemingly no reason—maybe it’s to transfer in when something gets a little…dirty.

The Great Sewer Rebellion

We always wondered what would happen if a sewer decided to fight back against the picture perfection that Mr. Walt Disney created. Surely they can’t monitor something that’s right beneath the surface of all those feet. And with the number of turkey legs consumed daily, something’s bound to go wrong soon.

What we discovered is that with trenchless sewer repair, Disney plumbers—er, cast members—can get to a plumbing crisis beneath the surface faster than Walt could get on the Matterhorn—even if he had a fast pass! It’s minimally invasive, leaving plenty of room for smoke and mirrors to cover up the problem and get life back to normal.

Common Clogs

We’re just convinced they have flushers powerful enough to get Pluto through the pipes with no trouble. We can’t imagine with all churros, nachos, caramel apples and more that are consumed their daily that they haven’t had their share of problems. Must be a dedicated plunging team on call.